1
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,560
Good evening brothers
and sisters.

2
00:00:30,590 --> 00:00:35,100
This evening story is concerned
with higher education,

3
00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:39,130
specifically with members of
Greek letter fraternities.

4
00:00:39,170 --> 00:00:43,970
I presume there are fraternities
for other nationalities as well.

5
00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:48,540
This is a f-fraternity paddle.

6
00:00:48,580 --> 00:00:52,050
Apparently they have
very small canoes.

7
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,550
In keeping with tonight’s theme,

8
00:00:54,580 --> 00:00:58,220
we should first see a short
educational film,

9
00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:02,060
and then a story.
As the story opens,

10
00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:05,060
you will find the students
hard at work,

11
00:01:05,060 --> 00:01:07,260
wrestling with
the complex problems

12
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:12,070
which face man in his never
ending quest for truth.

13
00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:56,850
[whistling]

14
00:02:03,050 --> 00:02:04,690
[cheerful music]

15
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,120
I’ll have grounds.
More relative than this.

16
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:11,530
The play’s the thing.
Wherein I’ll catch
the conscience of the King.

17
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:15,530
Oh, give it up Mark, baby,
the play’s the thing,
but not at a party.

18
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:19,170
Oh, Robert! This is the last of
the beer at your place,

19
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,870
I think you should inform
senior that he’s letting down

20
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:24,610
the youth of America by
neglecting his larder.

21
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,640
If a don’t get my lines
memorized this time

22
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,810
old Barrington’s gonna lop
off this empty head I’ve
grown fond of.

23
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:34,080
Oh, we can’t all be boy-genius
and valedictorian like,
dear.

24
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,480
Come here.

25
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,920
Oh, Phyllis honey why don’t
you get off my back, hm?

26
00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,920
You have such a pretty back,
darling.

27
00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:45,160
The last day of the semester,

28
00:02:45,190 --> 00:02:47,100
what do you say, a truce?

29
00:02:47,130 --> 00:02:49,100
Me and you
not waving axes, hm?

30
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:51,670
Not exactly waving an axe
at the moment.

31
00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:54,100
Hm? You know, Phyllis,
the trouble with you

32
00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:56,970
is that you want to crucify
anything you can’t have.

33
00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,240
And you were supposed to have
left that behind at the age of
six, according to Freud.

34
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Meaning I wanted you?

35
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,210
Meaning that you
just can’t bear the idea

36
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,850
that I’m not falling on my
face running after you, dear.

37
00:03:12,420 --> 00:03:15,060
I think we had the right idea
in the first place.

38
00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:17,690
Get drunk,
stay drunk,

39
00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:19,490
forget about finals!

40
00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:20,830
Here, here!

41
00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:22,400
Mark!

42
00:03:22,430 --> 00:03:24,970
What about that beer drinking
bout between you and Alan?

43
00:03:25,070 --> 00:03:27,200
I’m still betting Alan will
tops you, you know?

44
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,970
They can’t be found Alan
tops me in anything.

45
00:03:30,070 --> 00:03:31,340
Ah, ah.

46
00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:33,640
That’s quite a rash statement,
isn’t it Alan?

47
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,850
Keep trying, baby.
You may still reach me.

48
00:03:43,650 --> 00:03:45,320
I’ve come to a conclusion.

49
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:48,120
Everybody listen.
Franklin has a conclusion.

50
00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:51,960
We try too hard.

51
00:03:51,990 --> 00:03:54,460
Here, here!
Our leader speaks!

52
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:58,100
We’re not the lost generation,
we’re the stupid generation.

53
00:03:58,100 --> 00:03:59,930
Amen!

54
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,900
Rocks in our heads.

55
00:04:01,940 --> 00:04:04,470
Rattling around. Agreed, hm?

56
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:07,180
We try too hard
to entertain ourselves.

57
00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:09,110
To be different.

58
00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:11,350
I am different.

59
00:04:11,380 --> 00:04:13,580
-Alan, old son!
-Yes, old bean?

60
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:16,580
Come.

61
00:04:16,620 --> 00:04:18,750
Prove your manhood.

62
00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:21,960
Ah, the battle of the beer.
Come on!

63
00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:24,060
[laughing]

64
00:04:24,090 --> 00:04:27,700
Be my guest, old buddy,
be my guest.

65
00:04:27,730 --> 00:04:30,270
Ah, no.
A challenger goes first, right?

66
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:32,070
[all]
That’s right! Come on!

67
00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:34,900
You said you could drink a full
pitcher without stopping,

68
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:37,910
I said I’d follow suit
if you could do it.

69
00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:40,080
Without stopping, now mind you.

70
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,780
I have been challenged.

71
00:04:41,810 --> 00:04:43,980
Hold my glass.

72
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,920
Mind over matter,
as Franklin would put it.

73
00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:48,380
Down the hatch.

74
00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:51,390
Makes me slightly ill even
to look at that much beer.

75
00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:54,460
Robert, you have a patient.

76
00:04:54,490 --> 00:04:56,690
Well, here we go.

77
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:01,630
And yeah,
the children amused themselves,

78
00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:03,160
poorly through
lack of direction.

79
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:06,940
-Shakespeare.
-No, it’s a little
conceit of my own.

80
00:05:10,140 --> 00:05:11,640
Steady, boy. Steady.

81
00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:13,810
Ah, a boy with courage, huh?

82
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:15,640
He’ll never do it.

83
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,880
Oh, Alan will do anything
he sets out to do.

84
00:05:18,910 --> 00:05:20,320
Won’t you, darling?

85
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,820
Speak about a hollow leg.

86
00:05:28,860 --> 00:05:32,460
You can talk about
two hollow legs
and not be very far wrong.

87
00:05:32,490 --> 00:05:34,300
Come on, Alan!
It’s almost there!

88
00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:35,460
Here we go!

89
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:38,700
-Bravo! Alan, bravo!
-Brilliant!

90
00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:41,300
Ah.

91
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:45,270
Well, old buddy,
it’s your turn now.

92
00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:49,080
That’s all right, old champ.
I know when I’m licked.

93
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,150
Oh no. You don’t slide out
of it that easily.

94
00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:54,420
I concede, old man. I concede.

95
00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:59,090
What are you trying to do?
Make a jackass out of me, huh?

96
00:05:59,090 --> 00:06:02,020
No. You picking up
the marbles, chum.

97
00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:03,360
You’re wearing the blue ribbon.

98
00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:05,090
You’ve won.

99
00:06:05,130 --> 00:06:07,730
That’s not the point, old buddy.

100
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:11,330
Nothing gained by just one of us
doing this, you see?

101
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:14,200
I’ve suffered through it,
now you’re gonna suffer
through it.

102
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,640
Could be you’ve been taken?

103
00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:22,280
-I’ll leave it up to Beth here.
-What?

104
00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:23,910
-Beth?
-Hm?

105
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:26,880
Should I drink
a whole pitcher of beer?

106
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,580
’Cause all I can do is tie ’em
and not beat him.

107
00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:32,820
I just don’t like being made
a fool out of.

108
00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:37,660
Hey, old buddy.

109
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How many heads do you see, huh?

110
00:06:42,530 --> 00:06:45,370
Oh!

111
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,740
-Come on, toro!
-Alan...

112
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:57,580
-[Robert] Down down.
-[Mark] I think
he’s out cold.

113
00:06:57,610 --> 00:06:59,850
[grunts]

114
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,850
You know, we should all take
a picture of our valedictorian

115
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,290
and run it on the school paper
on graduation day.

116
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:11,160
-He looks dead.
-Dead drunk.

117
00:07:12,790 --> 00:07:14,700
Hey, I have an idea.

118
00:07:14,730 --> 00:07:16,870
Why don’t we get
Mark’s make-up kit

119
00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:19,730
and make Alan up to look
like a ghost when he wakes up.

120
00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:21,800
That’s an interesting thought.

121
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,770
Oh, come on!
Now he’d never fall for that.

122
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,240
-Absolutely not.
-[Mark] He might fall,

123
00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:27,380
if we stage it just right.

124
00:07:27,410 --> 00:07:29,440
Anyway, it’d be good
for a laugh.

125
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,410
I’ll go get your make-up kit.

126
00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:35,450
Robert? Has your father got
any formaldehyde in the house?

127
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,290
Formaldehyde?

128
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:38,850
It’s used in embalming.

129
00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:40,590
Sprinkle a little
of formaldehyde
on Alan’s clothes

130
00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:42,860
and he’ll think
he’s been dressed out for a wake
when he comes to.

131
00:07:42,890 --> 00:07:44,790
I’ll go get my old man’s
medical bag.

132
00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:47,860
There’ll be
something smelling like a
funeral parlor in it.

133
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:50,070
Robert.

134
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:54,440
Wait, wait, wait,
we’re doing this all wrong,

135
00:07:54,470 --> 00:07:56,670
why don’t we really scare Alan?

136
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,710
Make Mark up to look up
like a corpse.

137
00:07:58,740 --> 00:08:01,380
-Me a corpse?
-Yes!

138
00:08:01,410 --> 00:08:05,410
Alan always gets quarrelsome
when he gets drunk
and he knows it.

139
00:08:05,450 --> 00:08:09,720
Suppose he woke up and found
that poker on his hand,

140
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,720
the end marvelously bloodied,

141
00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:13,520
and you, Mark,

142
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,520
you stay here,

143
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,030
dead.

144
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:20,630
Yeah. He’d probably
remember fighting with me,

145
00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:23,430
-but he wouldn’t remember what
point he passed out.
-That’s right.

146
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:26,370
As Franklin says,
"It should be interesting."

147
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,770
And when he wakes up,
we’ll accuse him of having hit
Mark over the head.

148
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,780
No. It’ll work better if we
just set the scene and leave.

149
00:08:33,810 --> 00:08:37,750
We’ll go over to Robert’s house
and leave him here to wake up
with the body.

150
00:08:37,780 --> 00:08:42,050
Alan will age ten years
when he opens his eyes.

151
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,250
Ah!

152
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,750
And we’ll put the body
in that chest.

153
00:08:45,790 --> 00:08:48,760
That’s a fantastic idea,
Franklin.

154
00:08:54,730 --> 00:08:56,900
A little more blood, Beth.
Especially around the ears.

155
00:08:56,930 --> 00:08:58,670
More lipstick there.

156
00:09:00,170 --> 00:09:01,900
What’s going on?

157
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,670
Oh, a change of plans, we won’t
need the formaldehyde,

158
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:08,410
we’re wondering what would
happen if Alan woke up
and thought he killed Mark.

159
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,450
-Hey, good, good.
-[Phyllis] Yes.

160
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,210
Mark you don’t look dead enough.

161
00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:16,020
Well, we can always cut
my wrist, leaving a knife
in Alan’s hand.

162
00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:18,450
Hey, I’ve got it.
Pheneboride.

163
00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:20,290
-Who?
-It’s nothing to this Mark,

164
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:23,020
just a little jab with a
needle and you’re off dreaming
for a few hours.

165
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,030
Here, put some alcohol
on his arm, will you?

166
00:09:25,030 --> 00:09:26,260
Now, I tell you what this does,

167
00:09:26,290 --> 00:09:28,560
slows down
the respiratory system,

168
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,130
takes the pulse rate down
to practically nothing.

169
00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:33,600
I’ve seen it work on some of
my dad’s patients.

170
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,270
And I’d swear that they weren’t
even breathing.

171
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:38,040
I’m happy with my breathing
the way it is. I--

172
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,910
-Ah, Mark, don’t be chicken.
-Ah, come on now Mark,

173
00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:44,050
as a future member of
the medical profession

174
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:47,180
I can assure you there’s
almost nothing to worry about.

175
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:50,650
Almost nothing to worry about.
I hear you loud and clear.

176
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:54,460
Now, I’m joking, Mark. Really,
it’s perfectly harmless stuff.

177
00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:57,490
As a matter of fact,
you wake up later feeling
like a new man.

178
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:58,860
OK.

179
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,360
All right.

180
00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:07,300
Now, don’t, don’t move your arm
now, we don’t want to break
the needle now!

181
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,600
Look wait how much of that stuff
you putting in me?

182
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,010
[Robert] All right,
just lie back now.

183
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,080
Some music to fit
the occasion.

184
00:10:18,110 --> 00:10:21,920
-Music to die by.
-Funny, funny.

185
00:10:21,950 --> 00:10:25,420
Do you feel anything?

186
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:27,820
Yeah, like a moron for letting
that needle in me.

187
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,930
Come on, Mark!
Don’t be chicken.

188
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,700
What, what you looking at?

189
00:10:37,730 --> 00:10:39,670
With all that alcohol in you,

190
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,640
that drug ought to be
taking effect right now.

191
00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:46,940
-I’m getting out of here.
-Come on, Mark!
It’s getting late.

192
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:51,750
Mark, sleepy bye,
sleepy, sleepy bye.

193
00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:53,450
Go, man, go.

194
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:57,790
He’s going.

195
00:11:02,290 --> 00:11:06,190
-[Phillys] He’s gone.
-And the question is,
will he come back?

196
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:13,740
Robert?

197
00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:15,670
You sure he’s all right?

198
00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:18,410
-I can’t even feel
him breathing.
-No, he’s breathing.

199
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:20,440
That stuff just lowers
the respiration

200
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:24,280
to the point where you need
a stethoscope to find out
whether he is or not.

201
00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:27,650
Well, haven’t we better go
before Alan wakes up.

202
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:31,320
Right. Come on. Everybody out.
Over to my place.

203
00:12:14,130 --> 00:12:17,170
[phone ringing]

204
00:12:30,310 --> 00:12:32,380
Answer the phone, somebody.

205
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:40,320
[phone ringing]

206
00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:49,660
Hello?

207
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,370
It woke him.

208
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,370
Well, fix him a good stiff drink

209
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,100
to keep his thinking muddled
when he rushes in here.

210
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:57,810
[Beth laughing]

211
00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,780
Hello?

212
00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:02,480
Hello?

213
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,140
Looks like we’re two of a kind,
old buddy, when...

214
00:13:50,290 --> 00:13:52,190
Mark?

215
00:13:54,430 --> 00:13:56,100
Mark!

216
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,410
Mark?

217
00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:15,380
Oh no! I...

218
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,560
Oh no.

219
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,430
Oh no!

220
00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:46,480
Here he comes!

221
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:53,560
-[Beth laughing]
-Shh.

222
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:12,240
Ah, there’s a man
needing a drink
if I ever saw one.

223
00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:16,140
You and Mark finally
kiss and make up over there?

224
00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:19,150
Isn’t Mark coming over?

225
00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:22,250
Ah, no, ah, no. Mark’s asleep.

226
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:25,490
And a little bourbon will
straighten you out, sport.

227
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,660
Mh?

228
00:15:31,090 --> 00:15:33,800
Robert, what about the party?

229
00:15:33,830 --> 00:15:35,400
Why did everyone
come over here?

230
00:15:35,430 --> 00:15:37,870
Oh, well with the...

231
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,700
You and Mark shouting
at each other,
it wasn’t any longer a party.

232
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:43,670
-When you left...
-Yeah?

233
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,570
Oh, um...

234
00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:54,380
You sure you can hold it, Alan.
I gotta hand it to you.

235
00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:01,820
Oh, Alan, Alan!
There’s something
you should watch, though.

236
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:04,290
You know at a certain point
you seem to be just,

237
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,430
you seem to be just looking
for an argument.

238
00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:09,860
This is from friend to friend,
right sport?

239
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:14,140
But takes the fun out of any
party, you know?

240
00:16:14,170 --> 00:16:16,300
-Robert...
-Yeah?

241
00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:21,640
No, no, no, nothing,
I just...

242
00:16:23,110 --> 00:16:26,350
I think I’ll go back over to
the fraternity house

243
00:16:26,380 --> 00:16:28,950
And m-maybe sleep it off
over there.

244
00:16:30,150 --> 00:16:32,050
I’ll see everybody later.

245
00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:41,200
I wonder what’s on his mind
at this minute.

246
00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:28,210
Mark?

247
00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:31,880
Mark!

248
00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:36,820
Mark.

249
00:18:18,090 --> 00:18:19,290
Alan’s coming.

250
00:18:28,170 --> 00:18:32,470
Alan, I think you look like
my head feels.

251
00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:35,480
I don’t really feel anything.
I’m numb.

252
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:39,150
Can I fix you a drink?

253
00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:41,350
No, I don’t want a drink.

254
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,590
Oh, I don’t.

255
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,060
All night
I’ve been trying to think.

256
00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:56,330
About what, chum?

257
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,070
Sheer insanity to try to
keep it quiet.

258
00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:01,840
You’re talking in riddles, Alan.

259
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,880
Hey, um, where’s Mark anyway?

260
00:19:06,910 --> 00:19:08,840
He probably skipped along home.

261
00:19:12,510 --> 00:19:16,350
No. Mark didn’t go home.
Mark...

262
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:17,450
Mark is dead.

263
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:21,820
Dead?

264
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:32,430
How it happened
or why I-I don’t know, but...

265
00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:35,870
-Yes, he’s dead.
-You’re joking, Alan.

266
00:19:36,940 --> 00:19:39,710
I wish I were joking, Beth.

267
00:19:39,740 --> 00:19:41,810
All night
I’ve been trying to think.

268
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,810
I’ve been trying to think
how did it happen. I--

269
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,850
I’ve been trying to look
for some way out and I-I...

270
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:51,190
You mean that argument,
between you and Mark,

271
00:19:51,220 --> 00:19:54,390
you went at it again after we
left you over there last night?

272
00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:57,430
I suppose, I...

273
00:19:57,460 --> 00:20:00,060
I think I hit him with a poker.

274
00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:02,830
Well, I guess you’d better call
the police.

275
00:20:17,910 --> 00:20:20,780
I guess it was all
the liquor that I-I...

276
00:20:21,950 --> 00:20:24,820
I thought I could keep it
quiet so...

277
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:30,460
Oh, well, I...

278
00:20:30,490 --> 00:20:32,260
Cheer up, chum.

279
00:20:32,290 --> 00:20:35,260
Mark is as alive as you are.

280
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:40,500
And probably feeling a lot
better too since he’s been sound
asleep all night.

281
00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:48,840
You should see the expression
on your face, Alan.

282
00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:51,980
What do you mean?
What?

283
00:20:52,010 --> 00:20:53,820
[Franklin]
Just our little joke Alan.

284
00:20:53,850 --> 00:20:56,790
Although, in retrospect,
in the clear light of dawn,

285
00:20:56,820 --> 00:21:01,860
-it seems less humorous.
-Well, a little makeup paint

286
00:21:01,890 --> 00:21:05,090
and Mark volunteered to be
injected with a drug

287
00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:09,460
and we set that scene of
violent murder
that you woke up to.

288
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:11,530
Makeup? That was makeup?

289
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:14,200
Yes, darling.
To take you down a peg or two,

290
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,070
you’re just too
perfect at too many things.

291
00:21:19,670 --> 00:21:22,710
-Oh no.
-Oh, now don’t take it
like that.

292
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:25,750
-No harm is done.
-No harm, huh?

293
00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:28,350
I told you I thought that
I could conceal what I did.

294
00:21:28,380 --> 00:21:29,950
Or what I thought that I did.
So...

295
00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:32,520
Not a very effective
concealment, Alan.

296
00:21:32,550 --> 00:21:35,120
Frankly,
I expected more from him.

297
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,320
I buried him.

298
00:21:38,490 --> 00:21:39,760
I buried Mark!

299
00:21:43,100 --> 00:21:45,570
Don’t you understand? I thought
that I could cover up what I did

300
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,140
so I thought I could say that
he went home or something

301
00:21:48,170 --> 00:21:50,970
so I wrap him in a blanket
and I buried him in the sand.

302
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:53,610
You wrapped him in a blanket?

303
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,010
There’s a chance he’s still
alive! Let’s get out there!

304
00:21:56,110 --> 00:21:58,210
[Franklin] Where is he?
Come on! Let’s move!

305
00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:30,250
-Where, Alan, where?
-Well, it was right here.

306
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:34,950
-Wait a minute maybe it was...
-Where is he?

307
00:22:37,550 --> 00:22:40,160
I don’t... The spade marks!

308
00:22:40,190 --> 00:22:42,620
The water’s washed
the spade marks away!

309
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:47,300
The tide wasn’t up
this high before.

310
00:22:49,230 --> 00:22:51,770
The water wasn’t up
this high before!

311
00:22:54,100 --> 00:22:56,470
Oh, I don’t know.

312
00:23:16,190 --> 00:23:20,700
Yes, poor Alan left more
than footprints in the sands
of time.

313
00:23:20,730 --> 00:23:26,330
If you think college students
don’t learn anything,
you are sadly mistaken.

314
00:23:26,370 --> 00:23:30,070
These people certainly learned
something that night.

315
00:23:30,070 --> 00:23:32,770
They’ve never done anything
like that again

316
00:23:32,810 --> 00:23:35,910
they were assisted in their
resolve by the police

317
00:23:35,940 --> 00:23:40,080
for justice was meted out
to the pranksters.

318
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,120
I have more to say but it can
wait 60 seconds

319
00:23:43,150 --> 00:23:47,420
while our dear sponsor speaks
to you on his favorite topic.

320
00:23:50,290 --> 00:23:53,230
How he does go on.

321
00:23:53,260 --> 00:23:57,470
By the way, we would like it
known that the for-going story

322
00:23:57,500 --> 00:24:01,870
does not constitute a
condemnation of fraternities,

323
00:24:01,900 --> 00:24:05,840
or sororities,
or Greeks, or universities,

324
00:24:05,870 --> 00:24:08,840
or young people,
or the seashore,

325
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,080
or salt water, or sand.

326
00:24:11,110 --> 00:24:14,480
I yield to no man
in my firm adherence

327
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:19,220
to an uncompromising
policy of offending no one.

328
00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:23,390
So, until next time,
goodnight.